PRICE-TAG

When I was a little girl, I was given the impression that I could have – or be or do – anything I put my mind to, anything I wanted. If only they'd told me what it means to put your mind to something, what it means to truly want it.

The whole motivational industry is based on this assumption – that nobody sat us down as kids and explained what it actually means when they say “You can do anything you put your mind to.”

The truth is – you have to want it. Whenever you want something, there is a certain price you are prepared to pay. And pay you will. Always. Nothing is free. Advertising is the black art of making you want something enough to pay the manufacturer's price for it. It creates the want and controls the level of want as well. Like I said, black art if ever there was one. (I should add I'm not averse to a little darkness)

We live in a world of information, constant connection and engagement and distraction. We call it multi-tasking, and tell ourselves we – especially women – should be good at it. We speak of 'All-Rounders' with respect and we've forgotten that 'Jack-of-all-Trades' actually means master of none.

Well, I'm not good at multi-tasking. I am, however, very good at distraction, at starting half a dozen things and not completing any of them, because I got sidetracked by one of the other things I'd started. I start with the best of intentions, I make lists to keep me on track. And then the phone rings, or I pick up a book just for five minutes. Those five minutes are endlessly elastic, extendible, and next thing I know I've finished the book and it's now too late to do any of the things on my list, so they get put off until tomorrow or another day. This is not getting anything done, usually because what needs doing doesn't really have a “want” value for me. (Yet. When I run out of clean clothes, watch doing the laundry become highly desirable. After all, I can read during the spin cycle).

As an adult, one of the problems is that relative and volatile “want” values make it hard to prioritise. I'd love to jack in the job, pack up and travel the world but a) that needs funding and b) I have bills to pay. So however much I want to travel, the bills have greater urgency, and there are other things I want, so travel plans remain on the back-burner, a distraction from other goals. As Barclays asked a couple of years ago: How many of your dreams and desires are the bills getting in the way of?

When we were small, we were more readily absorbed by single activities. We didn't even try to multi-task. Kids today may well be different, but I'm cynical about the value of that. If we really want something, we need to focus, to be absorbed by it, by the process of achieving it, until we “master” whatever it is. That's the price-tag, and while haggling may get you some kind of compromise, it's unlikely to feel very satisfactory.

The most contented people I've ever met are the ones who either changed their desire to meet their circumstances (but I wonder, being the incurable cynic I am, how genuine their contentment is) and those who let the bills go hang, and went for their dreams. The rest of us seem to quell a restlessness while we multi-task, distract and compromise our way through life. Maybe we just don't want it enough to pay full-price. But there isn't going to be a sale, we can't haggle, it's never going to drop into our laps. Lotto and reality television are lying – instant gratification and success don't happen often enough to be considered as a viable option, and even when they do happen, the success in particular is fleeting. If that 15 minutes is really all you want, go be my guest. But for most of us, the decision is whether to pay full price or let the dream go. In the end, life is too short to compromise.